Often clients come to me wishing to change a behaviour in their partners, mothers, fathers or siblings, stating things such as, “if only she was more appreciative of the things I do” or “if only he was more emotionally receptive to my needs.” Often relationships struggle due to miscommunication and expectations into outcomes of what each party instinctively should or shouldn’t be doing.
When we make conditions and have expectations on people in our lives, whether they be romantic relationships, friendships or acquaintances, we are attempting to control the situation by projecting the way we view our lives and our world onto others.
This expectation is merely that, a projection of how we expect things and situations to go in our lives and not actually seeing the reality of the situation. When we view our worlds like this, we are inevitably setting ourselves up for unnecessary disappointment, frustration and failure, quite often directed toward the other party.
In bringing the focus back to ourselves, we can see that the only control we actually have is in our own reaction toward the situations.
When we work on ourselves, we can learn to be at peace and learn to accept others and circumstances as they are. We can have freedom in the choices we make and greater selection into the people we want to share our lives with.
Yoga and meditation are tools to begin the journey into self-exploration. This exploration is often called “The journey from the self to the self”. Coming to a place of understanding within oneself to sit and really examine what is happening inside of us , triggering our emotional and behavioural responses which affect how we view and respond to our own unique situations.
Words by Michelle Nolan